Wednesday, January 25, 2017

5 Reasons Some New Year's Resolutions Fail

Some people have a whole list of things that they swear that they'll change as soon as the clock strikes 12 on New Year's Day. However, unless you've been planning to make a drastic New Year's eve change and you're MENTALLY ready to make that change it will fail. You can't go from the old you to the new you just because the clock strikes 12. Telling yourself that you can is setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. My advice is to be realistic and follow the below tips

1. Give yourself time to adjust to your new changes. Assuming that you can change overnight will lead to you feeling like you've already failed after about 3 days of the New Year. Allowing yourself time to make changes or take steps leads to less disappointment. 

2. People aren't ready to change and they're comfortable with the way that their life is now. Now, I didn't say that they were happy with their life, I said that they were comfortable. When someone is comfortable with their life they don't feel that they need to change NOW or immediately. Why should they change NOW when they're enjoying their life without even accomplishing that goal or resolution? So, they make that goal or resolution wait until they feel like taking action. This leads to years and years of having the same goal or resolution. This type of person is usually SAD once the new year rolls around because they haven't accomplished their goal. Did they enjoy the year that just passed, yes or maybe but did they accomplish a goal or resolution that they really wanted to accomplish, no.  Why? The goal or resolution requires them to leave their comfortable box and do things that are uncomfortable or unenjoyable. So, every time they get uncomfortable and things aren't fun or enjoyable they go back to their comfortable box. This cycle keeps repeating UNTIL they decide that they'll stay in the uncomfortable box until they WIN, even if it's not fun or enjoyable. You can't go through life expecting everything to be comfortable and enjoyable. Well, you can but then you'll never ACCOMPLISH things that require you to be uncomfortable, things that are boring and require hard work. Realize that the uncomfortable thing will lead to something that is more comfortable than what you have now. Why do you keep making that same New Year’s Resolution? It's because it's something that you REALLY want to accomplish. Are you willing to be uncomfortable and do things that are unenjoyable? If not, you won't reach your goal.

3.    Be realistic. If you've been threatening to cut off that one person for the last few years and you're still holding onto them that means that you're bonded to that person in some way. Until you get rid of that bond or connection that you have with them you won't cut them off. If you've been planning to cut them off for a while that means that they aren't loving you the way that you want to be loved or they aren't treating you right. In my book '25 Steps to Letting Go of Someone You Love' I tell you how to let go of someone that is wrong for you.
     Also, if the person is a friend of a friend or a co-worker or someone that you have to see from time to time you can't cut them off. Cutting off someone only works when you don’t have to interact with them anymore. Therefore, instead of saying that you're going to cut them off, you should state that you aren't going to deal with that person on a personal level anymore and that you're no longer going to give them anything that you have to offer. You can't cut off someone that is forced on you, but you can stop dealing with them on a personal or intimate level.

Jasmine wants to cut off Tiffany because she thinks that Tiffany is a fake friend. However, Tiffany is a friend of the family and is invited to almost everything that Jasmine is invited to.

Rob works with Mark and wants to cut him off. However, at work he is forced to work beside Mark.

The above two people can’t completely cut off the people they dislike because they still have to be civil and speak to that person from time to time. Therefore, they shouldn’t make that a New Years Resolution.

4. Some people tell me that they're going to start being a jerk or a b*tch because they are sick and tired of people taking advantage of them and walking all over them. However, a week or so later that person is back to giving people everything they've got. Realize that if you're a genuinely nice person that you can't change your personality, You're nice and you'll always want to help people, even people that aren't there for you or people that don't deserve your help. Instead of saying that you're going to change your personality, you should state that you're going to keep your personality but you're going to stop helping people that don't deserve your help. Users and people that are never there for you don't deserve your help. However, it's okay for you to help those that are there for you and those that are in need. Using your kindness to help those in need and those that appreciate you will make you happy and it will allow you to keep your same personality. Just learn how to say ‘no’ to people that use you and only come around to get things from you. Would they help you if you needed help? Do they break their back for you? Do they call to see how you're doing? Do they care about you? If not, don’t change who you are, just change who you associate with. Be yourself but find people that appreciate you and what you do.

5. If you've had the same New Year’s Resolution for the last few years, it's time for you to reevaluate your goal and figure out WHY you aren't making progress. What excuses are you making over and over again? WHY isn't it getting done? Don't make it a goal if you aren't going to take the necessary steps to accomplish it. Constantly making goals that you don't plan on WORKING hard for leads to you feeling disappointed in yourself, year after year. Make sure that this is the last year that you have that same resolution. No more excuses, no more quitting and no more slacking. Get up and get busy. Learn how to motivate yourself. You can't wait around for someone else to change your life you have to get up and change it yourself? What are you waiting for? A miracle, a hero, a prince charming, a princess, a fairy godmother? Realize that the person that can change your life is looking at you in your mirror! They don't have a magic wand but they DO have all the tools that they need to get the job done. They're good enough, smart enough, strong enough and talented enough to get it done.

Are you holding yourself back in life? Take this quiz to find out NOW


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